For a few months now, the weapons forge at the heart of the fire realms had been active. Day and night, the loud bangs of metal on metal were only interrupted by horrible screams.
Then all the noises stopped. To the locals, this sudden silence — while very welcome — was incredibly jarring and eerie.
Curious, worried, and sensing something big was about to happen, the locals gathered in front of the forge. They did not have to wait long before Ferro Golem, Lifesmith and Ironclad Blacksmith came out of the forge. The three of them together are carrying a very large wooden chest, taller than any of them and much wider than it is tall.
After carefully putting the chest down on the ground, they take a second to breathe. Then Ferro Golem starts yelling.
Ferro Golem — "Hear ye, hear ye! Gather around and bring your friends! We three have a big announcement to make! We — Ironclad Blacksmith, Lifesmith and myself — have worked day and night for months, spending all of our sweat and blood, to present you… these! These twelve new weapons of exceptional craftmanship!"
The golem points at the chest. A murmur emerges from among the crowd.
Ironclad Blacksmith — "We hope our works bring you satisfaction."
Lifesmith — "Stay until the end, there's some really cool stuff in there!"
Ferro Golem — "And we are going to show you these weapons right here, right now. Starting with… this one!"
Ferro Golem opened the chest and dug out a wand from it.
Ferro Golem — "This is a
Magic Wand! You can do magic with it! I think?"
Spoiler for "Magic Wand (Entropy)":
NOTES:
- Will only attempt to spend quanta you can spend. E.g. if you only have one or zero light quantum, won't attempt to spend two light quanta.
- If you cannot pay either of the three costs, does nothing.
- The possible outcomes are:
- - Bouquet: 0|20 Life token with always-on gravity pull (same ability as Armaggio, but passive) and "This card's controller gains life equal to the damage inflicted to this card".
- - Rabbit: 3|3 Light token with the same abilities as the original creature.
- - Bird: airborne Air token with the same stats as the original creature, or is 2|2 if not applicable. It has "
:: Dive."
- The non-upgraded version stores every creature it transforms, in whatever state it was at the time. Then when you target a new creature, it rolls for each stored creature, one after the other, to see if that creature gets to come out.
Ironclad Blacksmith — "Oh, this is the wand I got at the booster pack shop. Buy ten get a free wand."
(not an actual in-game promotion)Ferro Golem — "Wait, really? So… does it actually do anything?"
Lifesmith — "Hey, hey, can I try it?"
Ferro Golem — "Eh, I guess its safe."
Ferro Golem handed Lifesmith the wand, which the smith promptly proceeded to wave around wildly. That seemed to do the trick, as Ferro Golem disappeared in a puff of smoke. The smoke dissipated shortly after, revealing a very confused rabbit where the golem was.
Lifesmith — "Oooh, what a cute rabbit! But where is Ferro?"
Ironclad Blacksmith — "Ah, I figured something like this would happen. Lifey, can you show the next weapon? Meanwhile I will bring Ferro back. I am taking the wand and this rabbit with me."
Lifesmith — "Sure thing Clady. Hey, why don't we call the rabbit 'Fluffy'?"
The blacksmith did not answer, as it was already back into the forge.
Lifesmith — "Eh, no stress, we can figure it out later. Anyway, what weapon should I show you guys… Haha! This one's really cool!"
Like Ferro Golem before, Lifesmith dug onto the chest and took out not a wand this time, but what seemed like an axe made of bone.
Lifesmith — "Look at this amazing
Skeleton Axe! Have you ever seen anything this cool? To tell you the truth, I made it myself with some bones I found lying around. But don't tell that to the other two!"
Spoiler for "Skeleton Axe (Death)":
NOTES:
- The Bone Golem created by the upgraded version is a nocturnal golem that counts as a skeleton. Its default stats (when not defined by the axe's skill) are 1|1 unupped and 2|2 upped.
Ferro Golem - "Dell us what, lifey?"
Ferro Golem and Ironclad Blacksmith had just come back, but now for some reason the golem had an extra hand for a nose.
Ferro Golem — "Oh, zo you showed zat agz? Great zinging, Lifey!"
Lifesmith — "Ferro, you are back! What happened to your face!?"
Ferro Golem — "Oh, zat? Id iz zdrange, but I zink I gan get uzed do id. An egzdra hand gould gome in handy, ha ha ha!"
Lifesmith — "Uh… "
Ferro Golem — "Now, do ze negzt weapon. How about dis one?"
Ferro Golem took out a scepter from the chest and brandished it with the face-hand.
Ferro Golem — "Ze Zeptder of Ruling!"
Ironclad Blacksmith — "Hold on Ferro, you should let me handle this one. We can barely understand what you say. I already called Surgeon, leave the weapons to us until we can get you fixed up."
Ferro Golem — "Oh. Zorry Glady, you are righd. I leabe id up do you zen."
A saddened golem handed the scepter over the blacksmith.
Ironclad Blacksmith — "This is the
Scepter of Ruling. Like its name implies, it rules."
Lifesmith — "Oh, nice pun Clady!"
Ironclad Blacksmith — "Nice what? Oh, right, sorry. I meant to say 'it rules over creatures'. At one point we considered giving it as a gift to Her Majesty Nymph Queen."
Lifesmith — "Isn't it so cool that it can be used by anyone? Now
that rules!"
Ironclad Blacksmith sighed.
Ironclad Blacksmith — "Hey Lifey, why don't you show the next weapon while we wait for Surgeon to arrive?"
Lifesmith — "Will do! Hmm, but there's this giant hammer in the way…"
Ferro Golem — "Oh, led me help wiz dat. Diz iz my proudezd greation."
Ironclad Blacksmith — "I will help as well."
All three artisans heaved together a huge hammer out of the chest, that looked it could barely fit in its container.
Lifesmith — "It's a giant hammer!"
Ferro Golem — "No, id iz a
Great Maul!"
Spoiler for "Great Maul (Earth)":
NOTES:
- "Opposite weapon or creature" means the card in the opposite slot, like with Brawl.
- Does not take damage from attackers it blocks.
- Skill has two different modes:
- - While you control a shield, it bounces it back to your hand. If there is no room left in your hand, the shield returns to the top of your deck instead. The shield keeps its changes, like when Fenghuang "saves" a creature, so no spamming infinite Phase Shields.
- - While you do not control a shield, it lets you discard and pay for an equipment in your hand. If you cannot pay, the skill does nothing (you do NOT get the discarded equipment back). If you do pay, the maul attacks and
only that specific attack gets momentum. The momentum does not carry over to the normal end-of-turn attack, or to extra attacks obtained by other means.
Ferro Golem — "Look ad diz! Id iz zo dall you gan hide behind id!"
Ironclad Blacksmith — "Hold on Ferro, you should be careful with that."
Not heeding the blacksmith's warning, the golem stood behind the huge hammer with a no less huge grin. Then the hammer fell down on the golem's foot.
Ferro Golem — "OW! OW OW OW OW OW!"
Ironclad Blacksmith — "I told you."
Lifesmith — "Woah! Are you okay Ferro?"
Ferro Golem — "Am nod! I dink my food iz broken!"
Ironclad Blacksmith — "Oh no. We need something to use as a splint."
Lifesmith — "Ahah! I have just the thing! Give me a second!"
Lifesmith once again searches the chest, this time pulling out a half-rotten piece of wood.
Ferro Golem — "Whad iz diz piece of shid?"
Ironclad Blacksmith — "Lifey, are you serious? You want to use
this as a splint?"
Lifesmith — "Trust me you two!
This, as you say, is a very sturdy
Infested Log I found the other day."
Spoiler for "Infested Log (Life)":
NOTES:
- The following creatures will be given the "bug" trait: Chromatic Butterfly, Spider Cow, Deathstalker, Flesh Recluse, Antlion, Graboid, Shrieker, Scorpion, Giant Recluse, Ash Eater, Diving Bell Spider, Bobbit Worm, Null Mantis, Dragonfly, Firefly, Firefly Queen, Scarab, Dune Scorpion, Pest, Bloodsucker, Phase Recluse (and of course all of their upgraded versions).
- Similarly to "aquatic" or "nocturnal", the "bug" trait does nothing on its own.
-
Effects of the non-upgraded version:- - If you control 2 bugs or less, nothing happens besides destroying the log.
- - If you control between 3 and 6 bugs and you have another log in your deck, you draw it and it gains 2|2. If you don't have another log to draw, nothing happens (besides destroying the log).
- - If you control between 7 and 11 bugs, one copy each of two random bugs you control are added to your hand.
- - If you control 12 bugs or more, you get the previous effect AND the next three bugs you play from your hand this turn are free.
-
Effects of the upgraded version:- - If you control 2 bugs or less, it is 2|2 and does nothing.
- - If you control between 3 and 6 bugs, it is 5|5 and gains "Poison opponent when you play a poisonous bug."
- - If you control between 7 and 11 bugs, it is 7|7, keeps the previous ability, and gains "Draw a bug if able the first time you play a bug each turn."
- - If you control 12 bugs or more, it is still 7|7, keeps the previous two abilities, and gains the Parthenogenesis skill (
:
:: Copy target bug, counts as playing it.)
Ferro Golem — "Ged dad ding away from me!"
Lifesmith — "Woah! Hey, careful!"
Right as Ferro Golem grabbed the log to push it away, an angry scorpion came out from it and stung the golem.
Ferro Golem — "OW! ID SDUNG ME!"
Lifesmith — "Serves you right! You should be more careful with animals!"
Ironclad Blacksmith — "Looks like today is not your day, Ferro. Hang on, Surgeon should be here shortly. Try not to die of poisoning before then."
Surgeon — "Looks like I arrived at just the right time."
Surgeon had, indeed, just arrived.
Ferro Golem — "My zaviour!"
Ironclad Blacksmith — "Thank you for coming so fast Surgeon. Can you help Ferro?"
Surgeon — "Of course I can. I figured out the gist of the situation already. Give us some space, I will operate right here."
Ferro Golem — "Zank you Zurgeon. Glady, gan you show the negzd weapon? Agdually, don'd led Smidy near ze chezd anymore."
Ironclad Blacksmith — "Will do."
Lifesmith — "You two do whatever you want, I'm sulking."
Ironclad Blacksmith — "So the next weapon is going to be… OUCH!"
Ferro Golem — "Whad'z dad!? Anoder zgorpion?"
Surgeon — "Hush, don't move and don't speak."
Lifesmith — "No way that's another scorpion, all five should be in the log."
Ferro Golem — "FIBE!? AND YOU WANDED DO UZE DAD AZ A ZPLIND!?"
Surgeon — "I said HUSH!"
Ironclad Blacksmith — "No, it's not a scorpion, I burned my hand on that: the
Sun Blade."
Spoiler for "Sun Blade (Fire)":
NOTES:
- Sorry about the bad upped quality. You can find the card text in the next post.
- A Mirage is a 2|8 token with "Whenever this card's controller self-targets or targets a non-Mirage card they control, change the target to this creature if able."
- If you have several Sun Blades, they all trigger separately. I.e. you can drain or mill multiple times at once.
Lifesmith — "What is it? It looks so cool!"
Ferro Golem — "So you aren't sulking anymore? That didn't last long."
Ironclad Blacksmith — "Ferro, you are back to normal. That was quick."
The golem was indeed back to normal. No more poison, no more broken foot, and no more hand instead of a nose.
Ferro Golem — "All thanks to Surgeon. Again, thanks a lot!"
Surgeon — "You are welcome. I will stay around in case you guys need me again."
Ferro Golem — "Much obliged!"
Lifesmith, looking at the ground in embarrassment, stepped closer to the golem.
Lifesmith — "Look, Ferro, I'm sorry. I was wrong to get angry at you, I should have warned you about the scorpions. It's not your fault that you got stung."
Ferro Golem — "You, you should have… no, you know what? I was wrong to get angry too. I was in pain and not thinking straight. You were trying to help me in your own way and I rejected your kindness."
Ironclad Blacksmith — "So touching. Why don't you two have a reconciliation hug while you are at it?"
Lifesmith — "That's a great idea! Let's?"
Ferro Golem — "Let's!"
And so they hugged. But not for long, as the surrounding crowd was growing impatient.
Ironclad Blacksmith — "Let us get back to the show. How about I show the next weapon as well? And it shall be… this one."
The blacksmith pulled a bunch of rope from the chest.
Lifesmith — "What is it? What is it?"
Ironclad Blacksmith — "It is the very
Fishing Net I used to catch all the Salamanders that we ate these last few months."
Ferro Golem — "All the Salamanders? You mean
that is the reason why we got to eat Salamander stew every single day?"
Ironclad Blacksmith — "Correct."
Ferro Golem — "Salamander stew for breakfast, Salamander stew for lunch, Salamander stew for dinner, I am so sick of Salamander stew."
Ironclad Blacksmith — "Look, at least we got to eat something. And we decided early not to let Lifey cook."
Lifesmith — "Hey, if you guys don't want to try my Malignant Cell tartar with sautéed Fungus, it's your loss. At least I'm not a picky eater, I enjoyed the Salamander stews."
Ferro Golem — "Yes Lifey, that is exactly the problem. You should be a pickier eater. But we digress again. I will show the next weapon, it hasn't been my turn in a while."
Lifesmith — "Sure Ferro, go for it!"
Ironclad Blacksmith — "No objection from me."
Ferro Golem — "Here I go then! Next weapon is going to be… oh, there's another one of my favourites. Tada!"
Ferro Golem pulled out a long smooth stick from the chest.
Ironclad Blacksmith — "Oh. It's a stick. Would have been convenient when we needed a splint."
Ferro Golem — "It's not just any stick! It's a
Bo Staff!"
Spoiler for "Bo Staff (Light)":
NOTE:
- Sorry about the bad quality. You can find the card text in the next post.
Lifesmith — "So Ferro, you called my cool log a 'piece of shid', but you get all excited over a regular stick without even a tiny spider in it? For shame Ferro, for shame!"
Ferro Golem — "Again, it' s not just a regular stick, it's a… "
Ironclad Blacksmith — "Stop it you two. You already made peace. Remember the reconciliation hug?"
Lifesmith — "You are right Clady. Sorry Ferro."
Ferro Golem — "It's all good. I know: why don't you show the next weapon, Lifey?"
Lifesmith — "Can I? Okay then, I know there's still some cool stuff in there. Like these!"
Lifesmith took a bunch of feathers out of the chest.
Ironclad Blacksmith — "Feathers?"
Ferro Golem — "These feathers do look nice, but aren't they just feathers Lifey?"
Lifesmith — "Not at all! These are feathers I risked my life getting from a very angry Gryphon! They are…
Fierce Feathers!"
Spoiler for "Fierce Feathers (Air)":
NOTE:
- For the evade reduction effect, e.g. Dusk Mantle would go from 50% to 30% evade.
Ferro Golem — "These are still just feathers. But they do look nice."
Lifesmith — "I'll take that as a compliment, thanks!"
Ironclad Blacksmith — "Anyway, my turn now. Not many weapons left, let's see… what is this?"
Ironclad Blacksmith pulled from the chest an amulet made from amber.
Ferro Golem — "Oooh, that looks really nice too!"
Lifesmith — "Hey, it's the amber I found! I made into an
Amber Amulet!"
Spoiler for "Amber Amulet (Time)":
NOTES:
- The strength-halving effect is permanent and works the same way as Clockwork Golem's passive.
- The attack absorption effect works the same way as Brawl, only your creature does not fight back.
Ferro Golem — "You know Lifey, I don't always agree with your… tastes, but this one really is a great find. Good job!"
Lifesmith — "Thanks!"
Ironclad Blacksmith — "It does look like it could sell for a lot… "
Lifesmith — "Woah! No! We are not selling it Clady!"
Ironclad Blacksmith — "Come on, we could be rich."
Lifesmith — "That's still a no! Stop looking at it with those eyes!"
Ferro Golem — "Okay, okay, stop it, we don't need another fight. Let's quickly move on to the next weapon. Hm? I don't remember putting this one in there. Does it ring you guys a bell?"
This time, Ferro Golem pulled an antique sword from the chest.
Lifesmith — "Nope, not one of mine either. Looks like this matches Clady's tastes? Clady is it yours?"
Ironclad Blacksmith — "I wish, it does suit my tastes. But no, I have never seen this sword before."
Ferro Golem — "So then… what was it doing in the chest?"
As the three pondered the mystery, the sword suddenly escaped Ferro Golem's hand and started moving on its own — as though held by another, invisible hand.
Ferro Golem — "Woah there! Lifey, is this your doing?"
Lifesmith — "Not at all, I swear!"
Ghost — "OoOoOoOh!"
A ghost had appeared, holding the sword and slicing the air with it.
Ferro Golem, Lifesmith, Ironclad Blacksmith — "AAAAAH! It's a ghost!"
Ferro Golem — "This must be a
Possessed Sword!"
Spoiler for "Possessed Sword (Darkness)":
NOTE:
- The Ghost is a nocturnal golem token with "Haunts the card that created it (changes to one also apply to the other, when one leaves play sacrifice the other.)" It is 1|1 unupped, 2|2 upped.
- If the Ghost is created by another card than the possessed sword, it haunts that card instead (for example, the new fishing net card.)
Lifesmith — "Let's get out of here!"
Ironclad Blacksmith — "Calm down you two, there must be a rational explanation to this!"
Lifesmith — "Yeah, right! Look at you, you are as much in a panic as we are!"
Ferro Golem — "There's only one weapon left! Let's show it off and then let's bail!"
Ironclad Blacksmith — "You go for it, I will stay a
rational distance away."
Lifesmith — "Y… yeah, we believe in you Ferro!"
Ferro Golem — "Gee, thanks. If I die, I'm haunting you guys."
Shaking like a leaf, Ferro Golem took the final weapon out of the chest. Meanwhile the ghost was still slicing the air, showing no interest in the scaredy trio.
Ferro Golem — "I am alive! I think? And that folks is the final weapon! I don't even know what it is! Well, see you!"
And the golem ran away.
Ironclad Blacksmith — "I know what this is. I got it as a gift for subscribing to Precognition Magazine. It said on the box it is a
Cyberweapon from the future. Anyway, wait for me Ferro!"
Spoiler for "Cyberweapon (Aether)":
NOTE:
- Can target any card in play or in a hand.
And the blacksmith also ran away.
Lifesmith — "Don't leave me alone you two"
And Lifesmith ran away as well.
All three crafters had ran away, leaving behind them a befuddled and angry crowd. For about three and a half months they had had no rest from the loud noises those three were making, yet at the end all they had to show for it was a bunch of stuff they found or got for free, and maybe a couple actual low-quality weapons? And then they had the
nerve to just run away?
A voice emerged from the discontent crowd: "After them!". The voice was soon echoed: "After them! After them!". The entire group started moving as one. "Lets test their weapons on them!", someone yelled, with the rest approving.
And so the angry crowd, armed to the teeth with dubious weapons, started running.
THE END (for now)