What is happening in the world of Elements? Let's turn on the TV and find out!
GOLDEN NYMPH: "It is eleven o'clock, you are watching Element News. Today's news: the notorious anarchist group "Boomstick Insurgent Golems" released a video statement…"
MYSTERIOUS CREATURE
(Preview): "The system is lying to you! Your Firebrand does not have to disappear!"
GOLDEN NYMPH: "…authorities have voted to ban Space Whale hunting…"
PHARAOH
(Preview): "For the sake of our future, we had to act quickly."
GOLDEN NYMPH: "…and the police has arrested Green Nymph for public indecency."
CRUSADER
(Preview): "We used to ignore her since she lived deep in the forest, but we received too many complaints from parents of Minor Creatures and we had to do something."
GOLDEN NYMPH: "But first, a word from our sponsor."
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GOLDEN NYMPH: "Our guest today is Goon, here to present their latest streetwear collection. Hello, Goon."
GOON: "'sup Goldie, happy to be here."
GOLDEN NYMPH: "Our first piece of news today is this video released on the Mindgate network by the notorious Boomstick Insurgent Golems group. The video got thousands on view in less than a day and is going viral. Here is the video."
*Video starts*MYSTERIOUS CREATURE: "The system is lying to you! Your Firebrand does not have to disappear, your Fahrenheit can deal maximum damage from the start, your Epoch does not have to stop you as well! The Ironclad and Vanadium lobbies are working hand in hand with the elite, high up in their Quantum Towers, to force consumerism and restrict your rights! Rise, revolt, join us! Let us get free and unnerfed rare weapons for everyone!"
MYSTERIOUS CREATURES: "Yeah! That's right!"
*Video ends*GOLDEN NYMPH: "After hearing this, Goon, do you believe there can be, I quote, "free and unnerfed rare weapons for everyone"?"
GOON: "I dunno, somethin's fishy. The endless Firebrand and the max damage F-heit I can believe, you can sorta do that with Temperings. But a one-sided Epoch? That sounds too good to be true, that
[bipped] smells like an hoax I tell ya."
GOLDEN NYMPH: "Do you think there is a "system" that manipulates the rare weapon market for profit?"
GOON: "Again I dunno for sure, but I know if selling stuff for a profit makes you bad then I'm parta "the system" too."
GOLDEN NYMPH: "Do you buy rare weapons, yourself?"
GOON: "No I don't "buy" that stuff, if you know what I"
GOLDEN NYMPH
(cutting Goon short): "Ahem. Moving on to the next piece of news. Under Nymph Queen's command, Faerie Queen, Pharaoh and Reaper gathered yesterday morning — for the first time in a month — to discuss an open letter from Forest Spirit, Blue Mage and Shaman that warned of "the greatest extinction event since Holy Cow" if Space Whales continue to be hunted down without restriction. Yesterday evening, Pharaoh announced the resulting legislation in a speech made from atop a Quantum Tower."
*Speech starts*PHARAOH: "Dear Creatures, thank you for coming. In the name of her majesty Nymph Queen, we — Faerie Queen ruler of the Material realms, Reaper ruler of Spiritual realms, and myself Pharaoh ruler of the Cardinal realms — have a very important declaration to make. Last week three of our most brilliant minds — Forest Spirit the biologist, Shaman the environmentalist and Blue Mage the scientist — published an open letter on Mindgate. In their letter, they described how crucial Space Whales were to our ecosystem. Many wild Creatures rely on them as their primary food source — chief among them Void Sharks, whose blood is crystallized into Void Shards. At the same time, Space Whales are also hunted for their frozen meat, both easy to preserve and a delicacy. Hunted so much in fact, that their numbers have become dangerously low. At this rate, the letter warns, not only will Space Whales disappear, but so will, in turn, the wild Creatures that need them. This would results in "the greatest extinction event since Holy Cow". For the sake of our future, we had to act quickly. With two votes in favour and one vote against, effective immediately, we have decided to ban Space Whale hunting until further notice. Dear Creatures, thank you for listening."
*Speech ends*GOLDEN NYMPH: "So, Goon, what is your opinion on this new legislation?"
GOON: "Imma be honest, I love Space Whale meat, it's so delish when it's just lightly frozen. Imma be sad I can't have it again. But I understand why they gotta do what they gotta do. Even if a full ban seems a bit much."
GOLDEN NYMPH: "Aside from Space Whale, what are your favourite meats?"
GOON: "Definitely Horned Frog, Cockatrice and especially Void Shark. I dunno what I'm gonna do if they ban Void Shark huntin' too."
GOLDEN NYMPH: "Speaking of meat, here is a word from our second sponsor."
*Ad starts*
CRIMSON DRAGON: "ROAR! I AM HUNGRY! I WANT MEAT!"
FIRE SPIRIT: "All the meat you can dream of is at Cremeat. Salamander, Cockatrice, Toadfish: you name it, we have it!"
CRIMSON DRAGON: "ROAR! I DON'T WANT UNDERCOOKED IMMOLATED MEAT! I ONLY WANT CREMATED MEAT!"
FIRE SPIRIT: "And that is exactly what you will get at Cremeat! It's right in the name: Cremeat, for Cremated meat!"
CRIMSON DRAGON: "ROAR! YUMMY CREMATED MEAT! THANK YOU SO MUCH CREMEAT!"
FIRE SPIRIT: "Glad you like it! And for a limited time only, get one free Minor menu for every two regular menus bought. Cremeat: all the meats, all Cremated to cinders, for the whole family!"
CRIMSON DRAGON: "ROAR! COME EAT AT CREMEAT!"
*Ad ends*GOON: "I love me some Cremeat. We eat there all the time with my cousin Thug."
GOLDEN NYMPH: "They have a special offer going on, too."
GOON: "You mean the free Minor menu? We don't got kids though. But our friend Vampire does, maybe we can go with'em."
GOLDEN NYMPH: "Since we mentioned children, that leads us to the final piece of news for today. Green Nymph was arrested today for wearing too few clothes near Minor creatures. Our special reporter Whim asked people their opinions."
*Report starts*CRUSADER: "Of course we have known about Green Nymph and her exhibitionist tendencies for a while. We used to ignore her since she lived deep in the forest, but we received too many complaints from parents of Minor Creatures and we had to do something. We are also launching an investigation on her allegedly trying to give drugs to Minors, although we suspect it's just Adrenaline."
PHOENIX: "Because of her, we could not let our children play near the Emerald Pillars. Not only is she naked all the time, she even tried to give my child suspicious substances. It is ridiculous the police waited so long to intervene! Yes we Phoenices have little to fear, but what if it was a Minor Null Mantis or a Minor Vampire instead?"
MINOR PHOENIX: "She said she'd make me feel good and full of energy."
GREEN NYMPH: "This is absurd! I have always been wearing this, why is this suddenly a problem? And I am not naked, I am wearing a Life-quanta bikini. Do you know how hot and stuffy it gets in the forest under the Emerald Pillars? Also, I deny any allegations that I was trying to give anything suspicious to Minor Creatures. And why aren't they arresting Siren? She's even more naked than me! Just because she's a pop star, she's given preferential treatment!"
*Report ends*GOLDEN NYMPH: "So what did you think, Goon: should have Green Nymph been wearing more clothes?"
GOON: "Nah, I agree with her, the parents are overreactin'. Besides what else she gonna wear, a Thorn Carapace? We back in the Middle-Ages now?"
GOLDEN NYMPH: "How about wearing a piece from your new collection? Speaking of which, can you present it to us?"
GOON: "Yeah, sure."
BLACK NYMPH:
*Enters and exits TV set with various outfits while Goon talks*GOON: "So first we got brand new variations on the classic Dusk Mantle. But the real highlight is this exclusive Chaos Mantle designed by Entropy Nymph, and sourced directly from Elf's organic farm. Each piece's one-of-a-kind."
GOLDEN NYMPH: "These are very nice pieces indeed. What about the price? Surely these must be very expensive?"
GOON: "Nuh-uh, not at all. Dusk Mantles are still five quanta, and Chaos Mantles are only two quanta more expensive at seven quanta. For lower budgets, we still got our classic Cloak model at three quanta."
GOLDEN NYMPH: "Well then Goon, thank you very much for being here today…"
GOON: "Thanks for havin' me."
GOLDEN NYMPH: "…And I will see you all tomorrow, same time same channel. Coming up next is "Haunting History" presented by Ghost of the Past. Bye!"
*Credits roll*